I sit here, once again in what is apparently my favorite cafe, listening to the Cinderella soundtrack, wonderful movie by the way and I am moved and inspired, inspired to write music as well as put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard as it were. I watch as people file into the cafe, one by one, to get their caffeine or sugar fix. Its amazing how much one can glean just by watching people, sitting patiently and watching.
And, whilst people watching, a familiar feeling; a pang, of wonder, if love will one day come. I wonder if one day it will come once again break through this wall and save me from this seemingly lonesome experience that life is currently.
I do find myself on occasion longing for her, but I don’t know if it is so much a longing for her or as a longing for what once was. Its strange but earlier when the breakup was still “fresh” whenever I saw old photos of her, of us, it hurt, but now several months later, 6 months and about a week later to be exact, as I see old photos and peruse, lost in the what once was, I realize, it; like all other memories have become just that, memories.
I am always open, open to the possibilities, and my children, my career, my work, my art; they all keep me busy, but it isn’t necessarily a busy that will make me forget, but rather prolong the healing. I do more often than not catch myself daydreaming when I see a woman I come across, I think – is she the one,… or, is she, but I know that the Lord has plans and I don’t see them yet nor will I, or if I do I will not understand until he is ready to show those plans to me.
Drama aside I hope and wait with veritable bated breath as the tremolos in violins, to indicate excitement – for that tinge that first knowledge that this – this new person is to be someone in my life!
There is a scene in Cinderella, spoiler alert, wherein whilst in the attic Cinderella dances about; she knows that the kings men are wandering about the countryside looking for whomsoever may fit the glass shoes, but she doesn’t care and consoles herself with the memory of the evening of the ball…
And, so perhaps for now, I shall also console myself and my broken heart with the memory of what once was, because for now that is what I have. Its not necessarily a sad thing but an understanding and a realization that once before I did find love…